I used to paint. Organic things, mainly flowers, limbs or trees, etc. I painted because I felt like I had something in me that needed out but I couldnt speak it. I am there again as I contemplate wedding ideas. I have a vision that I cant put into words.
I browse these wedding sites and look under headings such as Flowers, Venues, Dresses. The more I look at these the more I realize that these people have no idea how to satisfy a woman whos main goal in life can be summed up in one word -simplicity.
I dont want to spend a lot of money, not because I dont have it (tho I dont) but because that just isn't me. I dont need to rent out Panthers stadium or have flowers shipped from across the world. I dont need the perfect dress; I dont know the difference between baby doll and sweetheart nor do i care what snotty woman or homosexual male made it. There has got to be a way to compromise cost without compromising class.
I can tell you this, it will be outside on a stifling summer evening. There will be music & laughter & candles but most importantly, I will be barefoot... because this is how a girl ought to spend a stifling summer evening.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I don't have much against New York. Okay, so they talk funny, but they think I talk funny too. Okay, so they eat strange food, then again they think I eat strange food too. Okay, but the weather sucks; Ive definitely got'tem there!
Ill go ahead and state the facts: Im the hero of my family. Im my mom's best friend; she comes to me for advice, to vent, to gossip, and for help with my unhelpable sister. Im my dad's saving grace; I make him laugh, I calm him down, I pick up slack, but I ignore him when he's venting about my unhelpable sister. Even my sister who is embarassed by me in all ways possible comes to me as a last resort when it comes to matters of school and work. My grandmother tells me things and confides in me in a way she does with no one else; I stand as the interpreter between her and the rest of the world. My stepfather Todd finds me funny, & I enjoy reminding him that he is a remarkable person and father.
As much as the pressure of wearing the S across my chest brings me down, I secretly love feeling needed. If I move to NY even for the 3 months that separate me from the new school year, who will save my family?
Sure, my dad looks forward to my company, but he looks forward to cooked meals, a clean house, and having a nurse to take care of my elderly grandmother. My mom will miss my company & that's all; she'll miss me at church or when she goes to the mall :] My grandmother will miss my visits too, though I could tell her I was there last week and she'd have no choice but to believe me over her failing memory. My sister won't miss me at all though she'll call to see if Im losing the weight I promised her I would. Todd will be childless; ignored by his other kids, lonely without me there to humor him and hang out on the farm.
But do I have a duty to my fiance'? I think deep down I know what I have to do.
Ill go ahead and state the facts: Im the hero of my family. Im my mom's best friend; she comes to me for advice, to vent, to gossip, and for help with my unhelpable sister. Im my dad's saving grace; I make him laugh, I calm him down, I pick up slack, but I ignore him when he's venting about my unhelpable sister. Even my sister who is embarassed by me in all ways possible comes to me as a last resort when it comes to matters of school and work. My grandmother tells me things and confides in me in a way she does with no one else; I stand as the interpreter between her and the rest of the world. My stepfather Todd finds me funny, & I enjoy reminding him that he is a remarkable person and father.
As much as the pressure of wearing the S across my chest brings me down, I secretly love feeling needed. If I move to NY even for the 3 months that separate me from the new school year, who will save my family?
Sure, my dad looks forward to my company, but he looks forward to cooked meals, a clean house, and having a nurse to take care of my elderly grandmother. My mom will miss my company & that's all; she'll miss me at church or when she goes to the mall :] My grandmother will miss my visits too, though I could tell her I was there last week and she'd have no choice but to believe me over her failing memory. My sister won't miss me at all though she'll call to see if Im losing the weight I promised her I would. Todd will be childless; ignored by his other kids, lonely without me there to humor him and hang out on the farm.
But do I have a duty to my fiance'? I think deep down I know what I have to do.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
College Dollars
Let me begin by saying I will be in 24,000 dollars of debt when I leave NC State University. (Not counting the loans my father has taken out for me). This is sadly about the amount I will make in one year as a teacher in NC.
The major difference between high school teachers and college professors is not the phd on their letterhead or the amount of zeros on their paycheck--it is the fact that they are free to teach whatever they want. Theoretically, you could take a course on poultry and learn all about dress making, if that is what your professor chose to talk about.
Example: In FOR 252 I am supposed to learn the basics about forestry in North America. My professor spends over half of the class venting about America's inability to sustain forest land, yet my test is still on forestry in NA. This is my college dollars at work.
Example: In Gardening with Herbaceous Perennials all I have learned is my professors favorite flowers, and why. Remember, these classes are mandatory for me to graduate.
In college, you are forced to take general education courses. I plan to teach Hort or Animal Sci at a high school level, yet a shop class is ruining my gpa. I am glad I will know how to weld in case one of my plants becomes unruly or I need to shoe a horse. Last year an economics class threatened my gpa. These courses do not relate in any way to my future goals as a teacher, yet they rear their ugly heads every semester around final exam time.
Many professors are old. I am spending a great deal of time learning how to teach & as I sit in the classroom I am finding that rarely do my professors know how to do what they are paid to do. At a certain age, you are out of the loop. Newer and better ways of teaching are out there & these 60 year old farts are still practicing 'teaching as usual'.
Would you go to work every day if you knew you weren't going to get paid? Would you purchase something if you never got to reap the benefits? This is similar to how most students feel. Working hard...for nothing.
The major difference between high school teachers and college professors is not the phd on their letterhead or the amount of zeros on their paycheck--it is the fact that they are free to teach whatever they want. Theoretically, you could take a course on poultry and learn all about dress making, if that is what your professor chose to talk about.
Example: In FOR 252 I am supposed to learn the basics about forestry in North America. My professor spends over half of the class venting about America's inability to sustain forest land, yet my test is still on forestry in NA. This is my college dollars at work.
Example: In Gardening with Herbaceous Perennials all I have learned is my professors favorite flowers, and why. Remember, these classes are mandatory for me to graduate.
In college, you are forced to take general education courses. I plan to teach Hort or Animal Sci at a high school level, yet a shop class is ruining my gpa. I am glad I will know how to weld in case one of my plants becomes unruly or I need to shoe a horse. Last year an economics class threatened my gpa. These courses do not relate in any way to my future goals as a teacher, yet they rear their ugly heads every semester around final exam time.
Many professors are old. I am spending a great deal of time learning how to teach & as I sit in the classroom I am finding that rarely do my professors know how to do what they are paid to do. At a certain age, you are out of the loop. Newer and better ways of teaching are out there & these 60 year old farts are still practicing 'teaching as usual'.
Would you go to work every day if you knew you weren't going to get paid? Would you purchase something if you never got to reap the benefits? This is similar to how most students feel. Working hard...for nothing.
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