Babies

I look down and hold my belly in a perfect heart shape and smile. Although no baby is inside, my tummy has taken the freshman 15 a little hard. Okay, about 25 lbs too hard. This new shape reminds me constantly how badly I want to be pregnant. I want to know my little life is growing inside of me. I want a rocking chair that I rock my unborn child to sleep in, even though he doesn't yet live. Ill wear long dresses and rub my belly all day long letting him know Im still here. On the day he is born I will welcome him so happily into this terrible world for my own selfish reasons, but Ill grieve a little at the loss of that big round ball under my shirt. I will take him in my arms and listen to him cry, wanting to turn up the volume that is proof that he lives. My life will have ended after a 9 month prognosis and I will give every last minute of my time to him. I will spank him when he misbehaves. I will kiss and coo at him and hold him to my side for the rest of his life. I will pack his lunch, drive him to school, and fight for him like no woman has ever faught for a son. I will teach him to love and respect women, that knowledge is power, and to go with his instinct on every decision. I will push my way into every relationship he ever has and remind every woman he thinks he loves that I am his mama.

It is an interesting feeling to be in love with a person you havent met yet. I think his name will be Timothy, John, Noah, something strong. Her name might be Rayna Alison or Amelie Fields, something that makes her unique. Ya gotta be unique when you're a woman, you have to stand out on your own.