I spent another night up crying until i was so exhausted I just couldnt stand it any longer. This isnt the kind of crying I do some nights when I miss my grandmother or my sister; this is terrible, whole body crying. The kind that makes noise. I don't worry Tim with this unless he asks how I slept, then I mention it nonchalantly like it's nothing.

During the day I am busy & when I'm not I find something to read. Ive taken up working out which fills in some gaps. But I dread the night when all I can do is think of how alone Ill be come Saturday.

I have a beautiful engagement ring that reminds me Im loved. Thats nice to look down and notice when Im depressed. Funny, I feel like I need to fix myself up to keep up with how gorgeous it is.

I look forward to next fall with a great group of girls that I can share things with. Im so thrilled to live with them. I have to look forward. I have to have something to work towards.